I Hope You're Happy

I Hope You’re Happy exists to challenge beliefs, and one of our most ingrained beliefs is that of the strong and independent Republican Cowboy, the Marlboro man out on the range. In this series of articles, I describe how this rugged individual is really afraid of actually dealing with people, instead cowering in the wilderness afraid that the rest of the world will attack them for their own unacknowledged weaknesses. Here is another reason.

Today’s reason comes via this blog at The America Thinker, though its sentiments are repeated all throughout the comments, and elsewhere in the Republican sphere. We’ll skip through the elite snobbery of the opening paragraph about playing tennis and refusing an Obama bump and get right into it.

I’m into civil disobedience these days, now that we Right-Thinkers are in the minority, living in fear of Obamification.    In small ways, I resist.

See the first thought is to resist, not to objectively consider the direction our nation was heading under Republican rule, nor the efficacy of Obama’s direction. But what’s more important is what these small ways are.

1)  I refuse to do the fist bump.  We Right Thinkers need our own hand jive, a nonverbal way to say, ‘I’m Anti-Obi’.  I’m open to suggestions.

You mean like a gang sign? How urban of you. Let me see if I can come up with a suggestion. How about the shocker? I’d like to see that. I don’t go for the bump either. That’s just not my thing, but this isn’t an act of civil disobedience. Civil disobedience takes balls, and not green fuzzy ones.

2)  I turn His face around.  Whenever I’m standing in line in a store, and find coverboy Obambi staring at me, I turn the offensive magazines around to face backwards.  During Inaugural week, there was commemorative ideoporn everywhere. Obama market penetration has receded somewhat, but it’s still hard to visit a Target or a grocery store without having to look at The One.  By hiding His image, I may be slightly interfering with commerce, but if I can prevent one more person from being suckered into socialism, I’ll do it.

Okay, this is what I call petty and anti-social. I mean, really? This is all you’ve got? You don’t agree with a guy and you can’t stand to look at him, so you turn his picture around? Stop being a pussy, and don’t think this is an act of civil disobedience. Thoreau would be so disappointed in you. This is an act of pettiness and insecurity, because what that face represents is the fact that your beliefs didn’t work, and sent this nation into the biggest death spiral of any modern nation (come on, a borderline depression and two wars at the same time?). Pussies turn magazine covers around. Grow a pair and stage a protest. Remember those millions of people that protested the wars, around the world? Standing outside with flags and signs for cameras and the whole world to see them standing up against their government? What are you doing? Turning around magazines and disappearing into the night. Fucking pussies.

3)  I send e-mails to mainstream media, urging them to wake up from their Kool-Aid stupor and report what’s going on.  Sometimes, I link AT essays, the ones where Larrey gets really wound up.

Oooohhhh, you send emails. When you use terms like “Kool-Aid” and “stupor”, you show not only your shallow appreciation of reality, but your full buy-in on Republican propaganda.You “report” as if you know more from turning around magazines in your local grocery store than their reporters who attend the press conferences, cover this stuff every day, live, breathe and eat it. Pussies hide behind terms like “Drink the Kool-Aid” and “Stupor” because they don’t have any concept of what is going on.

But here’s my favorite:

Living in the bluest of blue states, e-mailing my Congresspersons seems like a waste of time.

Oh, so since your side lost, you’re going to take the ball and go home? Well let me give you a new-fashioned sports analogy for you. Losers show up and play the next game, harder. Pussies quit. Your “congressperson” (see you’re already giving into political correctness) is YOUR duly elected representative. If you want to complain that your voice isn’t being heard, it’s because you aren’t speaking. Your congressman wants to hear from his constituents, regardless of voice. Pussies don’t speak up. Pussies just take it. Pussies.

4)   I have my talking points ready.  The best AT essays I collect in a Rhetorical Ammunition file.  If someone needs to hear what’s wrong with the deficit or with federalizing healthcare or with failing to support Israel, I can tell them.

Like any of us are afraid of talking points. Let me put it this way. Talking points are what they gave to Sarah Palin because she couldn’t think for herself, and look at how well that turned out. Talking points are for people who can’t form their own thoughts. And you hit all the same Republican pussy talking points too. Hmmm… you have a problem with the deficits that your own party ran up? You have a problem with a national healthcare system that would remove an unfair burden from American companies which puts them at a distinct disadvantage in the global market place and has contributed significantly to their declines? Israel? You must watch the 700 Club because you’re too much of a pussy to recognize that these are the least of the nation’s problems right now.

The O’Bot I played tennis with today seemed like a Nice Person Who Just Doesn’t Get It.

Typical pussy Republican thing, to make up derogatory names instead of address the issue. It’s the old look at the monkey and avoid the issue that McCain so deflty used in his epic fail of a Presidential campaign.

There’s a lot of those types running around, a fact I believe is cause for Hope, because, while there’s no point in trying to talk politics with hard-cord left-wingers, Nice Person types will listen, and perhaps can be swayed.

Holy crap is that a run-on sentence of pussy bullshit. What does “hard-cord” even mean?” “nice person types?” What the fuck? What are you afraid of? Ruffle some feathers. Provoke an argument. Poke the bear. If you want “nice person types” don’t look for people who actually set policy, make hard decisions and live with the consequences. Have the pussy club over for tea. That’s probably more your speed.

If the Fist Bumper shows up next Monday, and asks why I don’t do the crypto-fascist hand jive, I’ll give her an earful.

Next week you’ll give her an earful. Uh-huh, yeah. I bet you will. As a matter of fact, I’d lay money on you not fulfilling that promise. I know your type. You won’t say a single fucking word because you’re too afraid of being the only non-Obama person in the club. And then you’ll have to spend four pussy years as a pariah.

5)  I send my kids out armed with ideas.  They and some friends are co-founders of the Conservative Club at their high school, a public school of over three thousand students, most of them future O’voters.  The faculty is overwhelmingly liberal, to the extent the Conservative Club had trouble finding a sponsor.  A social studies teacher finally agreed to sign on as sponsor, although he said he does not share their views.

Yeah, there you go. liberals are everywhere. And Commies. And terrorists. Everybody wet their panties! It’s an illegal immigrant. No, werse, it’s a liberal. Pull your granny panties out of your crack and get back to earth. Does your kid get beat up by the honor roll kids at school?

6)  If there was a mass protest against the Porkulus bill about to be foisted upon us, I’d go.  Even if it snowed.

Well what’s stopping you, other than being too much of a pussy? If there was a mass protest? If? Maybe there is no mass protest because ummm….last I checked 76% of Americans want it and want it now, and the rest of them are writing articles like this piece of pussy bullshit. Even if it snowed? Doesn’t that imply that snow stops you fairly regularly because you’re too pussy to drive through it?

Now if you look at the comments to this, you’ll find 102 (currently) of people saying the same damn things. “I turn the magazines around too.” A whole club of magazine turning pussies cowering now that their party isn’t in power. Fucking pussies. Still haven’t even posted my comments which were perfectly civil (as opposed to this article which admittedly isn’t).

Why don’t you visit there and leave a few comments for yourself?

Yes, we’re back with an installment of “Why Republicans are Pussies”. I like to challenge assumptions. That’s what this is all about. Republicans have this self-image fo the lone and strong cowboy, riding the plains, a strong and silent drifter. Underneath all of that leather and blather lies a deep dark secret, women’s panties and a weak and simpering child that will throw a tantrum if they dont’ get their way. Here’s another reason Republicans have their panties in a bunch.

The Republicans are now complaining that they were left out of negotiations on the stimulus bill.

I’ve said it before in this blog, what should Republicans do now? Get involved. Here was their first test, and they blew it. It is clear that Democrats see the way out of the recession as spending on projects that will creat jobs. They are Democrats, and that is their way. On the other hand, they are holding their line on taxes, unless you’re rich and if you are, well shit on you.

President Obama reached out for support on the bill in the House, and not a single Republican Representative voted for it. This was, in fact, reason #1 why Republicans are pussies. Now, The Democrats have tried to reach a compromise on the bill in the Senate, and the Republicans have spent most of their time misquoting economists in the media, sticking to their failed policies, and ignoring the Democrats as they crafted a more Republican friendly version of the bill.

Let’s see. Less than four percent of Republicans participated in the bill. Given that there are 41 Republican Senators, and less than four percent participated, let’s see some quick math tells me that 1.64 Republicans were able to man up and talk to their rivals. The rest bitched and moaned to the press, pointed their fingers, shouted, played politic and ignored the crisis that is going on in the country. Pussies.

The big argument Republicans are trying to make is that tax cuts will generate jobs faster, but even Christina Romer, the author of the study they quote, says that spending has a greater multiplier effect. Check this article which supports this with a nice closing paragraph:

As Reagan advisor Martin Feldstein wrote, “While good tax policy can contribute to ending the recession, the heavy lifting will have to be done by increased government spending.” Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Economy.com recently explained why: though tax cuts act more quickly, they “do not have the same economic bang for the buck as increased government spending, as households will save some of the tax cuts or use them to repay debt, and purchase imported goods.”

This whole move does not look out for Americans, and does not consider the most relevant available studies. They are clinging to an ideal to appear strong in a time of weakness for their supporters rather than joining the national debate. Pussies.

Only a party of pussies would ignore the invitation to compromise and then whine about not being in on the bill.

“As we look through it, many of the things that were criticized before appear to still be there,” said minority whip Jon Kyl.

Only a pussy would whine because he didn’t get EVERYTHING he wanted. The only pussy exemption is the one guy who sat down to trim some of this bill to be more palatable to teh small government-types out there. I’m holding exemption cards for any Republicans that vote for the bill, but I’m not expecting to use them.

As part of my ongoing efforts to challenge stereotypes, I give you this new feature to my website: Republicans are Pussies. Republicans enjoy the cowboy mystique, a man and a horse alone against everything in the world. But I feel that this persona hides a darker secret, that the cowboy is afraid of participating in the larger world. Hiding behind their guns, their bibles and a façade of the rough and ready, the Republican secretly clings to a teddy bear hoping the world doesn’t cave in on him and his beliefs. And here is another reason why.

The Economic Stimulus Bill

While this bill passed, not a single Republican voted for it. At issue was the large amount of spending that would increase the national debt (surprisingly now they feel that running a deficit is a bad thing), the tax cuts which the Republicans ironically opposed (I’m guessing because they couldn’t claim them as their own), what they called pork (They manufactured this, but we’ll get to that), and funding for contraceptives (thems ain’t biblical). They used a torrent of arguments discussing whether infrastructure projects would actually increase employment, and mumbling things about socialists and communists.

Let’s look at these individually, and why they make Republicans pussies.

Republicans are pussies because when handed a budget surplus, under George W. Bush, they ran up 5 trillion dollars in fresh debt, nearly doubling the national deficit, all the while using the Karl Rove argument that deficits don’t matter. The Democrats warned of this kind of spending, clamored for spending responsibility, but without the majority, could do nothing. Then of course they won, and to the winner goes the spoils. Now they whine and cry about spending. Now they do, when it isn’t going to no-bid contracts for Republican allies. Now they pay attention to the debt. Own up to your mistakes, don’t be a hypocrite, be a good loser. Pussies.

Tax cuts. All throughout the campaign, Obama preached middle class tax cuts while the Republicans tried to make tax cuts to the rich permanent and claimed Obama’s plan would raise taxes on the middle class. It went like this:

Obama: I’m going to cut taxes on the middle class.
McCain: He’s going to raise taxes. That’s what Democrats do. Think of us poor rich people. He’s raising our taxes, too.
Obama: I’m going to lower taxes on the middle class.
McCain: (pulls out a straw hat, bamboo cane a starts a dance to ragtime music.)

Now Obama is making good on a promise and lowering taxes. Republicans are against it because it is a Democrat doing it, and they can’t take credit for it. And for him fulfilling another campaign promise in the first two weeks of his administration. And for not being able to say he lied. And because Obama made them look like the bad guys for trying to vote this down. Pussies.

Pork. There was this story that the Republicans passed around about millions being spent on a sculpture garden by the NEA as spelled out in the bill, except that it wasn’t actually in there. What they were complaining about was ANY money going to the arts (Republicans: Let the creative people starve!!!). How they arrived at the sculpture garden? They looked into past spending found something that would instill fear in the hearts of America and chose…a sculpture garden. It had better have been an H.R. Giger garden with a slime fountain. It was a lie. Pussies lie.

Funding for contraceptives. The question was a headline: What do contraceptives have to do with stimulus? Umm, because fucking is stimulating? I know this works against financial stimulus. If you’re doing the bump and grind, you aren’t out spending money. But come on, money spent is money spent, and in this case we’re giving it to our Republican friendly pharmaceutical industry. Think of all the babies we won’t have to provide jobs for. This is preemptive jobless rate reduction. Besides, only pussies get in the way of people fucking.

Infrastructure and jobs. It makes little sense to say that spending money on infrastructure won’t create jobs. It’s like saying all this stuff just appears one day, these freeways, and dams and things. While people who don’t have jobs sit around and watch. All the Republican financial guys will tell you, the Works projects in the Depression employed people and built the economy back up. Pussies refuse to listen.

But the biggest reason Republicans are pussies on this one is not a single one of them broke ranks to say that they should try to work with the Democrats on this one. Not a single one of them listened to their constituents to see if America wanted this bill, or that America might want to see a bipartisan gesture. Not a single one with the balls to man up and break from the pack. Pussies. Every single one of them.