I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

Hi dad,

It’s been a few years since you’ve been gone and I never got the chance to tell you my side of the story. When you reached out to me, two years before you were gone, I didn’t want to talk to you. I had so much anger and resentment towards you for leaving me. I blamed you for making me feel jealous of my best friend who had a father, who was always there to console her when she’d come home crying because she scraped her knee, or giving her a hug and telling her he loved her just because. I hated you for not being there to teach me how to ride a bike or drive a car. I hated you when you couldn’t be there when your granddaughter was born. I hated you for leaving me in perpetual search of a father in every man I met.

Perhaps you knew, on some level, that I was hurting. I’m sure it was hard for you to reach out after all those years I spent without you, and to be honest, I probably would’ve never responded. That is if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a little brother, who was an innocent bystander, and all you wanted was for him and I to get close.

That day we met, as I was walking up those stairs, I wanted to tell you just how much I hated you, but then you opened the door and you just hugged me. You teared up, for it had been over 20 years since we’d last seen each other. At that moment, I realized that I was such an idiot for holding onto that hate all those years. In one hug, you managed to take away all the
pain and hate that I carried. I’m so glad we got a chance to reconnect. I’m so glad you got a chance to meet your granddaughter, and you got a chance to tell me how much you loved me and missed me, and that I got to hear that you were proud of me. You’ll never know how much it means to me, how much it still means to me. One day is all we had and I wish we had more time. I wish I had the time to tell you that I forgave you. I wish I had the time to explain that throughout my childhood I was manipulated into hating you. I understand now how difficult it must’ve been for you, and yet you never mentioned anything. Maybe you would’ve had we
had more time.

I wish I had the time to tell you how sorry I am for not reaching out myself. And most of all I wish I had the time to tell you: I love you.
I hear stories about you from my little brother and you’d be glad to know that we did become close. He’s grown into a true protector of the family. He stands up for me even though as the oldest I’m the one that’s supposed to be there for him. You’ve raised him well. You’d be also glad to know that your granddaughter turned into an amazing young woman and sometimes we talk about you, and the fact that she remembers you bring absolute joy to my heart.

Perhaps this letter will find you and you’ll know how much we all miss you.
I’m sorry for hating you all those years dad…I love you….