POST 5: THE EARLY MEMORIES AND LONGING (part 4)

My mother ran her own business and had to move to another city with my sister for a few months to expand it, leaving me behind with my brother-in-law, his family, and my niece. At first, it seemed like life was just shifting again, but then, in the quiet of the nights, everything changed. It started one night while I was asleep. I woke to him doing things that no one should ever experience, let alone a child. He told me that if I said anything, he’d tell my mother and sister, and they would disown me. Fear wrapped itself around me, and I couldn’t see any way out. When they returned a few months later, I was too terrified and ashamed to say a word.

He started working nights as a taxi driver, and he’d suggest to my sister that I come along to keep him company. She agreed without a second thought. So a few nights a week, I’d get in the car with him, and he’d drive us to an empty apartment, where he continued to take advantage of me. It felt like a nightmare that would never end, and I started to believe his words—that no one would believe me, that I was dirty, and that somehow, I deserved this.

It wasn’t until November of 1995, when we went to Moscow for a U.S. Embassy interview, that I felt a small glimmer of relief. We stayed with my favorite aunt, who had always been a safe haven for me. My cousin noticed right away that something was wrong, but when she asked me, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I was too ashamed, convinced that I was unworthy of love or protection because of what was happening to me. I felt like I was somehow at fault, that I was the reason he was betraying my sister.

---